Name of the Game
by Aliemah
Summary: Jessica Shepard confronts Jacob after rescuing him on Arrae. Kaidan is around to help her pick up the pieces, and doesn't like what he hears. Implied past relationship with Kaidan and Jacob, and attempt at fixing the current relationship with Kaidan through this event.


"Shepard, I wasn't expecting you," He said quickly standing up from the couch.

He almost saluted her, and then he looked over her. She wasn't in her uniform. She wasn't looking him in the eye. She wasn't looking anywhere but her feet. Instead of that uniform that Kaidan thought looked so good on her, she was hiding in her N7 sweatshirt, and a baggy pair of sleep pants. Her feet were bare, and probably freezing - Kaidan remembered her saying her feet were naturally cold. But what struck him the most was when she did lift her head, he saw frightened, and hurt pale blue eyes looking at him.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly, walking over. For all the talking and clearing the air they did in the hospital, he was amazed that he didn't still feel some anger towards Jessica for practically cheating on him. Though in her defense, he hadn't exactly said he wanted to remain with her. And it had been two years.

"I'm so…" she took in a deep breath, eyes watering as she looked around.

She looked angry, and more hurt than he'd ever seen her. Clearly Jessica still trusted him enough to let her guard down around him. She was silent for a few minutes while she searched for the optimal word to describe how she was feeling. Her eyes searched the room, the floor, ceiling, him… and then she found it.

"… hurt." she said softly, shoulders slumping, "I wasn't expecting anything to come from Jacob and I, but…"

"Sit down, we can talk about this." he said, motioning her over. Once she was close enough, he put an arm around her, rubbing her back a bit as she sat and let a few tears fall. He sighed. "You never really told me what happened between you two before…"

"We talked and flirted, Kaidan." she laughed through more tears, "He made me feel like I was living again, and like I was worth someone's time again." She went silent, and she reached up to pull her hair down from the ponytail it had been in all day. Her light brown hair cascaded in waves around her face and she looked more relaxed, as if all the tension had been held up by the elastic band now rolling down her hand to her wrist. "It was nice to feel wanted again."

"I remember you mentioning when I was in the hospital that you'd tried to contact him a few times… But you never heard back, did you?"

"No. You were down there, you heard what happened. He sat on some fucking beach without even seeming to care for me, and went off with some other woman, and… It didn't even occur to him that 'hey, maybe I should see if I still have this other relationship with this other woman'. Not once, apparently." She shook her head, and scoffed, "And then he just, just… _goes_ off and get married?! Who the fuck does that?"

At this point, Kaidan saw Jessica begin to break. She was laughing at first, but then she began to shake her head, and the tears started flowing. It was hurting him to see her this shaken up over someone else, and he took her into his arms. Were it any other person, he'd have suggested a drink. But he knew that wouldn't help her - it would go through her the same as it would him, and do nothing. All Kaidan could offer was a warm, firm hug, and some solace.

What he hadn't anticipated was the fact Jessica wasn't going to be so easily consoled tonight. It was still fresh in her mind, likely because the man who had hurt her so bad was two decks below them with his pregnant wife. The way Kaidan had seen it, Jacob hadn't even seemed phased when Jessica had uncharacteristically lashed out at him, causing him to nearly bleed out in the gurney. But he hadn't been that fortunate - Kaidan kept that part to himself.

"You deserve better than that, Jess." he said quietly to her. "You deserve so much more than you've been given and it's not fair to anyone that you have to put up with all of this bullshit, and still be expected to execute orders perfectly."

"I don't even know that I deserve you, anymore, Kaidan. I wasn't faithful to you-"

"You and I weren't exactly on the best terms, anyway. I'm not upset with you about that anymore - there's nothing I can do to change what happened. All I can do is try to accept that things have changed, and hope that something good might come of it."

She was silent as she stared at him. Her mouth hung open a bit, and she was regarding him like he had just given her the message that the war was over and that the Reapers had fallen. Well, maybe not quite that, but like he'd done something absolutely extraordinary. Maybe he had, Kaidan knew how powerful words could be when they were needed. But then, her expression fell, with her eyes. She leaned into him.

"I talked to him right before I came here, you know… To… Congratulate him and his wife." She was silent, and Kaidan felt himself growing more comfortable by the minute holding her next to him. After a minute she took in a breath, "I talked with him a little about… Why he never tried to get back to me."

"And?"

"He never gave me an answer. He just kept feeding me that same bullshit line about needing to figure out what he wanted. I guess that just means he figured out he didn't want me but didn't want to take responsibility and call it off… Or maybe he felt guilty because I would talk about you all the time, I don't know." Jessica sniffled, closing her eyes tightly. "He was such an ass about the whole thing, it felt like talking to a five year-old."

"Is he still down there?" Kaidan asked, trying to keep his voice calm, despite the growing rage inside him. He didn't know what was going to happen, but Kaidan needed to talk to Mr. Jacob Taylor.

"Yeah." she sniffled. He was up in a flash, pretty sure he had caused Jessica to fall over on the couch. "Kaidan what are you doing?" she called out. He didn't hear her following him though, and he didn't have to wait for the elevator. He stepped in, jaw set and biotics humming with the adrenaline. He might punch, him might just scream. All he knew was that Jessica deserved to be treated better and he was going to make sure Jacob knew that. He was going to make sure everyone knew that.

"Major, Commander Shepard-"

"I know she doesn't want me to lash out, EDI." he practically snarled. "You can tell her to drop me off at the Citadel next time we're there if she really doesn't like it."

There was no response. The elevator doors opened to the shuttle bay, and Kaidan whipped around the corner to his left, heading for the small row of cots for the few Scientists who had gotten on the last shuttle with them. They were going to head out on a shuttle tomorrow, to head to the Crucible's location. But Kaidan had no trouble picking out Jacob. The man was sitting on the edge of the cot, elbows on his knees, almost like he was praying. Or waiting. He looked up when Kaidan was close enough, and stood up quickly, arms raised.

"Look, I know I hurt her-"

"Like hell you do!" he hissed, seeing all the sleeping people around. "She's sitting up there crying because you hurt her. Was it really so hard to send one little message and tell her you were done? Was it so hard to tell her you'd found someone else and that you wanted her to have the chance to do the same? Huh?"

"If I could go back I would have. But I can't change what happened at the time." he said, lowering his arms and head. "I thought she didn't want anything more to do with me. She would hardly talk to me for a few days after everything had settled down again."

"If you knew her, you'd have known that was her trying to figure things out for herself, first. That doesn't mean shit when she comes back and messages you that she wants to hear back, that she's looking forward to hearing from you." Kaidan scowled. "You've hurt her and you don't deserve to be given a second chance for what you've done. IT's low and pathetic."

"Last I recall you didn't exactly make things clear with her, either." he narrowed his eyes.

"I watched her die." he croaked out, his nerve being hit and his eyes watering. "I'd like to see how you would cope with watching someone you love more than anything suffocate in space while you listen. And then I'd like to see you mourn them for two years, pull yourself back together, accept what happened, and then suddenly see them back to life in front of you, looking like they had the morning before they'd died. How the hell would you even be able to think of something like that, trying to figure out how they came back, let alone in the middle of a failed mission?"

Jacob was silent, and then he turned to sit down again. Kaidan thought he saw a biotic wave shimmer over his knuckles as they tightened.

"She never talked about there being a future for us. But I thought she made it pretty clear there was only ever going to be one man good enough for her. And when he turned his back on her, after all that happened on Horizon, she ran to me. I tried to comfort her, and things got personal. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"What sort of game are you playing at, Jacob?" a third voice shook quietly. Both heads turned to look at her, looking so small beneath her baggy clothing. "You wouldn't even talk to me, just earlier and even before then, and now you're telling him that… that I was a mistake?"

"That's not-"

"I don't care what you were trying to say, Jacob. You cast aside my feelings as if I meant nothing, as if I weren't valid in feeling hurt by what you did to me." she glanced to the woman sleeping soundly in the cot. "Does she even know about what happened? Do you think she would have even considered giving you a chance to explain yourself after what happened if it had been her in my place?"

"Jessica-"

"No! You don't have the right to use that name around me anymore!" she snapped, keeping her voice down.

Kaidan put his hand on her shoulder and she shrunk into his chest, keeping her face covered as she mumbled for them to leave. He shot Jacob one more look before he took her fully under his arm and walked her back to the elevator. It was quiet the whole way up to her cabin, until the doors opened.

"Will you stay with me?" she asked without moving.

"Of course I will." Kaidan gripped her shoulder a bit tighter as he spoke, following her in, and over to the bed. He sat down on the edge, rubbing her back as she quietly cried. It would be the only time she would be able to do so for a while. Jessica Shepard was going to cry for her past, and future at this moment. Kaidan wasn't about to let her be alone during it.


End file.
